I can't speak for others, but for me there is a connection between mental state and feelings towards church: An increase in melancholy equals an increase in desire for the Church.
Two reasons, one internal, one (possibly) external:
1) The Church appears comparatively peaceful and...alive. Nothing changes here except the frame of reference; Church isn't any better absolutely, just relatively.
Is this bad? Anything that brings you closer to, or closer in line with, Christ is prima facie good, right? But it seems that volition should play a larger role. (Any number of contrived hypotheticals involving madmen with weapons would prove this.) Shouldn't I want the Church more because of its goodness or my desire for a more righteous life?
In lots of ways, turning to the church in times of hardship is not that different than participating due to fear--a pretty common tactic in religion's history. (Sub-discussion: is it really all that bad to be partly compelled out of fear? Obviously there's a way to overdo it, especially if compelling cultural/social behaviors and not those (precious few) required for salvation. Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God has a certain elegance. I find the Church's nurturer-Jesus pleasant enough, but it lacks the scope of awesome power that makes traditional Christianity so appealing.)
2) The teachings of the Church promise a better life. If you or I are satisfied with what we have, what is the impetus for change? It's only by moving away from our ideal point, our comfort, that we have the courage to make hard commitments, such as those demanded by the Church. So isn't it required to be dissatisfied (in some way, to some extent) for true change? Indeed, the use of "contrite spirit" [e.g.] seems to imply as much.
Nonetheless, it bothers me personally (even if it maybe shouldn't), that the times I am most likely to return to the Church's teachings are those when I'm dissatisfied with my current lot. I feel like it cheapens the goal, in a "Hey, baby, you're not as hot as your sister, but you still wanna go out?" sort of way. Tomorrow, being in a different state of mind, I may decide that it was just a moment of weakness and, hell, I really don't need the teachings. I have a desire for the benefits of membership in the Body of Christ even if it's difficult to also want the responsibilities of obligation that are required. Some days, it looks like the benefits outweigh the costs; on others, they don't.
2 comments:
ACK! Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God! You know you have self-loathing issues when you read that, and it makes sense to you. LOL.
But if that's your kind of thing, check out Paradise Lost or Dante's Inferno. I haven't read Paradise Lost yet, but Dante's Inferno is a little too reciprocal for me. If people get exactly what they deserve, doesn't that kill the concept of mercy?
Interesting thoughts. Glad I stopped by;)
Maybe not self-loathing exactly, more in knowing where I am in the me-God relationship...
I've read the Inferno and parts of Paradise Lost. Liked both of them. Read the former when I was but a wee lad of thirteen, which is why I (jokingly?) think my religious life is so screwed up.
The mercy-justice issue is interesting. I think our conception is generally that the Lord is always merciful and always just. But why do we think that? Could it be that he's merciful up to a point and then just? That his mercy allows us to avoid the Inferno (through salvation) but since we choose it (as Dante argues) he gives us our justice?
Don't know. Just a thought.
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